I admit it. I miss him. After he sent his last text message last night, I have been thinking about him. Although we were never officially a couple, he was such a constant presence in my life for the past few months that not having him around kind of sucks.
Do I regret blatantly denying him the commitment he wants or needs (as he put it) when he finally couraged up to ask it? I have been expecting him to pop the question (this is parallel to marriage to me) sooner than he did. But no, I don't. I know, I'm the bad guy.
He did not finish dinner. Of course I did not have the appetite to finish it too.
I have been meaning to warn him about things getting too serious, but I never really had my balls in my palms then to tell him. I have been upfront with him from the start about how I feel about relationships, that ought to have been a red flag already. I guess he figured to take a chance on love, too bad he bet on me. And when he finally asked, I saw an opening. I felt, I should tell him now than promise him something that I can't live by.
He was such a good guy. Very appreciative. Very warm. A little too warm for comfort at times but he was really sweet.
Despite this, I never really felt for him that giddy feeling that people associate with love. There I was going with the flow, as he wasn't bad at all, waiting for the emotions to flood. But it never did. It plateaued.
Better be honest with him sooner than lead him on longer.
That's life. People come and go. I wish him the best though.
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