Tulaan sa Tren

These poems inside the LRTs sure are something:

Ano nga ba ang buhay? Isang kahibangan;
Ano nga ba ang buhay? Isang ilusyon,
At ang malaking biyaya'y maliit pa rin
Dahil ang buhay ay isa lamang pangarap
At ang pangarap ay pangarap lamang.
~Pedro Calderon de la Barca (1600-1681)

We're like ants in a terrarium. With false freedom and shit.

Paramore - The Only Exception

This song pretty much sums up how I feel about love. You have to see it to believe it.

The Only Exception lyrics
Paramore

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

The Love Yourself Project: A View From Inside the Closet

I have actually been contemplating joining this cause since I first read about it in blogs. I feel for the people who will benefit from this cause. And the shirt looks good too. However, my personal dilemma just won't let me.

Being in the closet is such a pain in the ass minsan. Iniisip ko, if I bought a shirt and went around town wearing it, then won't people know about my being gay? Especially other gay guys who have similar shirts or have heard of the movement or who have been reading blogs. Parang giveaway na ang aking sexuality. You know how gay guys are (I should know, being one), we like to gossip, and soon enough, nailadlad na ako ng kung sinumang herodes. Not that I hate my being gay, I just prefer to be discreet about it. Live and let live.

One more thing, the advanced screening of the two movies for the TLYP cause seems exciting too, but given my situation, I will have to overthink it again to see if I'll participate. Tsk3.

i still think about you sometimes
once.. twice.. thrice..
i still think about calling you when i'm down
once.. twice.. thrice..
but i can't
i can't
i just can't.
you're in every face i see
once.. twice.. thrice
it kills me everytime
once.. twice.. thrice
and it still hurts
it hurts
still hurts.
and what have i got?
these pills
one.. two.. three
that make me forget you
once.. twice.. thrice..
but only for so long
long
but not long enough..

Michael Bublé - Haven't Met You Yet (Lyric Video)

Now this is my anthem. :)

allergic rhinitis

Last Monday, I went out with a girl. A date. I know. LOL


Most of my friends are straight, and they know me as straight as well. Kaya, they figured since I'm single, and there is daw this na girl who's been crushing on me na they should set us up. And so they did.

The girl was cute actually, and she was fun. We've been in one or two group night outs before and she seems easy to get along with. But I never go out with girls. I have no history of girlfriends just because, it's a waste of time. I'm gay, ano bah? Haha. And I never used or will ever use a girl to cover up my gayness. That would be uncool.

Anyway, para mapagbigyan sila, I went out with her. I emphasized it will be  a friendly date only as I have no time for a lovelife.

Movie. Dinner. Conversation. I had a great time. So did she. And we both went home happy.

Pero pagdatin ko ng bahay, I was sneezing like crazy. Allergic rhinitis.

My goodness, allergic na talaga ako sa babae. Even my physical body is saying so. Hahaha

Quiet times - Dido (with lyrics)

Like. Like. Like.

blogging twice a day

This is so wrong. My boredom has got me blogging twice already today. And I just happen to have another one in my drafts which I was reserving for another day just because I don't want to seem so miserable. But here I am blogging anyway. I obviously need a life.

So far, for the past week, after my pseudo breakup and a week before I only have my laptop for company. I'm not in the mood to go out, date, schedule interviews (unemployment sucks). I did go the bank last Monday but only to pay my bills and then home again. I have no energy for anything.

I was actually contemplating watching Captain America, but after the bad reviews and spoiler i got from friends who have watched, it via their wall posts in facebook (Geez, even my friend interactions are online. tsk3) I have to reassess my stand on the movie. Should I watch it for Chris Evans? Saw that rocking body in the trailer and had me feverish for an hour or two. If I would, regular cinema or 3d? I guess it depends on the airtime his nekkid body is getting. Or not. I'll wait for the pirata instead.

I wonder how long the freezing of the pirata business will take? I wonder if Alfredo Lim will be able to keep that up. I have ambivalent feelings about this as well. As much I recognize the wrongness of piracy, I admit to being an addict to online movie downloading. I love Frostwire. But now that my wifi is going loco and I have to plug the LAN all day, everyday, I would appreciate a quicker-than-the-brown-fox Manong DVD merchandise.

I miss Elena. As gay as I maybe I have a crush on Nina Dobrev of Vampire Diaries. I'm counting down the days to September. Lapit na!

I'm stopping now.

sex at yosi

Opening my inbox in G4M today, I got a f*ck invite. Normally, I would just browse the profile. Reply Yes, if the guy is my type and I'm in the mood and No, if I feel otherwise. But today, it got me thinking how easy it is now for us to solicit sex. (I blame it on too much idle time given my career hiatus.)

I am imagining a time kung kelan asking for  a stick of yosi would be more embarrassing than soliciting sex. LOL

Eddie Peng

Saw this guy in a Taiwanese movie. Boy, is he cute and a very good actor too! ^_^

Separation Anxiety (Almost)

I admit it. I miss him. After he sent his last text message last night, I have been thinking about him. Although we were never officially a couple, he was such a constant presence in my life for the past few months that not having him around kind of sucks.


Do I regret blatantly denying him the commitment he wants or needs (as he put it) when he finally couraged up to ask it? I have been expecting him to pop the question (this is parallel to marriage to me) sooner than he did. But no, I don't. I know, I'm the bad guy.

He did not finish dinner. Of course I did not have the appetite to finish it too.

I have been meaning to warn him about things getting too serious, but I never really had my balls in my palms then to tell him. I have been upfront with him from the start about how I feel about relationships, that ought to have been a red flag already. I guess he figured to take a chance on love, too bad he bet on me. And when he finally asked, I saw an opening. I felt, I should tell him now than promise him something that I can't live by.

He was such a good guy. Very appreciative. Very warm. A little too warm for comfort at times but he was really sweet.

Despite this, I never really felt for him that giddy feeling that people associate with love. There I was going with the flow, as he wasn't bad at all, waiting for the emotions to flood. But it never did. It plateaued.

Better be honest with him sooner than lead him on longer.

That's life. People come and go. I wish him the best though.

say what?!

somebody just broke up with me and ni hindi nga kami.

what the f*ck?! lol