downa nd out

fuck! why do I feel so sad?

TONIGHT I GIVE IN

Geez, I need a lovelife.

kissing dating goodbye

I've thought about it. In my 4-day stay in Mindanao by myself to relax I realized how I busy I have been, manhunting and how I can't hold on to any of them. It's like a vicious cycle of me looking for trouble and trying to get out of it.

For the meantime, I am kissing dating goodbye. No more meetups. No more booty calls. No more subtle eye contact in malls, in clubs, in the streets, in the bus, in the train or any place where flirting is possible. I have decided to focus my energies on more important stuff. Work. Family. Friends. My finances. Myself.

attention-deficit disorder

I really am no good at relationships. 3 days into a budding relationship and I'm bored. Tsk3.

Tulaan sa Tren

These poems inside the LRTs sure are something:

Ano nga ba ang buhay? Isang kahibangan;
Ano nga ba ang buhay? Isang ilusyon,
At ang malaking biyaya'y maliit pa rin
Dahil ang buhay ay isa lamang pangarap
At ang pangarap ay pangarap lamang.
~Pedro Calderon de la Barca (1600-1681)

We're like ants in a terrarium. With false freedom and shit.

Paramore - The Only Exception

This song pretty much sums up how I feel about love. You have to see it to believe it.

The Only Exception lyrics
Paramore

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

The Love Yourself Project: A View From Inside the Closet

I have actually been contemplating joining this cause since I first read about it in blogs. I feel for the people who will benefit from this cause. And the shirt looks good too. However, my personal dilemma just won't let me.

Being in the closet is such a pain in the ass minsan. Iniisip ko, if I bought a shirt and went around town wearing it, then won't people know about my being gay? Especially other gay guys who have similar shirts or have heard of the movement or who have been reading blogs. Parang giveaway na ang aking sexuality. You know how gay guys are (I should know, being one), we like to gossip, and soon enough, nailadlad na ako ng kung sinumang herodes. Not that I hate my being gay, I just prefer to be discreet about it. Live and let live.

One more thing, the advanced screening of the two movies for the TLYP cause seems exciting too, but given my situation, I will have to overthink it again to see if I'll participate. Tsk3.